Stupid In Love

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*Alarm goes off*

I open my eyes and turn over.

Baby wake up, your phone is going off, I say.

He moans and groans from the sound of my voice because of the hangover he has from getting extremely drunk the night before. So I got up to turn the alarm off, but something told me to look through his phone. I didn’t know the pass code so I began to type random numbers. After three tries of getting it wrong I typed in his favorite numbers 1122 and it was like heavens gate opened. I was in. My heart began to beat a tad bit faster then usual as I scrolled through his text messages and saw a familiar name (his ex girlfriend). I swallowed really hard before clicking. I couldn’t believe what I was reading.

 I didn't know what hurt more, The “I Love You” The “I miss you” or the “Had fun last night”.

I wasn't done investigating though, I needed more proof. I went through his gallery and found naked pictures of him and her together and I was livid! I looked over to where he was sleeping and just stared at him while tears rolled down my eyes.

I’m done, I thought.

I put one of the pictures as his screen saver and began to pack my bags. As I finished, I woke him up.

Here’s Your Phone, I’m done with you.

I didn't have a car or a ride but I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible so I decided to walk home.

Not even a block away I heard a loud voice call my name, Melissa!

It was him running towards me with just his boxers on. I picked up the pace but he was faster then me.

When he finally got close enough he said “Melissa get back in the house”!

No! You’re a liar and a cheater! All you ever do is lie! I said

Get away from me!

He grabbed my arm

I pulled away

 

What happens next is still kind of a blur

I was wearing my green Gilly Hicks hoodie.

He grabbed the hoodie part and pulled it over my head and twisted it and then he began to drag me in the middle of the street back to his house. I began to kick and scream but the louder I got, the tighter his grip on my hoodie got and I started to choke. I made a conscious decision to stay calm. As he dragged me I could hear his friends in the neighborhood that were standing outside laughing and I was so embarrassed!

I allowed him to drag me because I didn’t want him to hurt me in front of everyone.

Someone would of called the cops, and at that time I wanted to protect him. I didn't want him going to jail even while he was hurting me. Crazy Huh?

As soon as we step foot in the house, something in my head clicked and I decided to fight back!

I started to punch, kick, scream, scratch, spit and bite. 

I was fighting for my life.

He tried his best to restrain me but I just wouldn't stop moving so he pushed me against the wall and we both ended up falling on the ground where I went head first.

My head hit the ground so hard that my ears started to ring but I didn't stop fighting.

He finally got a grip on me and yelled “Melissa Stop! I Love You!

When those words came out his mouth, I looked up at him and began to sob loudly. He held me in his arms as I cried, walked me to the bathroom, washed my face and told me to go back to the room. Before I turned to go, I remember looking back at him and tears were rolling down his eyes. He had blood all over his arms and neck from me scratching and biting. 

I love you, I said and went into the room.

I laid in the bed with bloody nails, messy hair and sweaty palms trying to let what just happen settle in. I began to weep so bitterly. I was angry, sad, hurt and confused so I pulled out my note pad and pen and began to write:

I have to ask

If I don’t I’ll end up driving myself insane.

Why?

Why am I going through this?

The pain is unbearable.

My Heart can not bear with the pressure.

I thought my season for heartbreak was over

Thought something new and refreshing was upon me.

Maybe it's me

Maybe I’m the reason why he does this to me.

Is it cause I’m short?

Is it cause my hair isn’t long enough?

What is it?

I mean everyone has flaws right?

And I deal with others imperfections so well.

Why cant he accept me for who I am?

I wouldn’t wish the way I feel on my worst enemy!

Sometimes I wish I didn’t love the way I do!

I love so hard!

So dangerously!

So crazy! So Strong!

It's like I’m fearless!

Like I’m not afraid of love.

But love keeps hurting me and the more it hurts me the more I pursue it.

Pursue it as if its done nothing wrong to me.

Pursue it like I have no recollection of how it mistreated me before.

- Melissa

I closed my notepad, closed my eyes and fell asleep. I never left