SEX. For such a short word it really holds a lot of weight and behind it lies a world of emotions and feelings. I’m still trying to figure out how people can have sex with someone and not be emotionally attached or not be in love. I mean, to have someone inside of you and to be inside of someone is a big deal! I know, kind of graphic but try to follow. Something so graphic shouldn’t be taken so lightly. One night stands?!! How?? How do you just sleep with someone and never see nor speak to them ever again??!! As much as I would love to say, “I’m different” I cant. I’ve never had a one-night stand but I have had sex outside of marriage and it once left me emotionally distraught and made me think that sex was the answer to every solution.

 I lost my virginity at the age of 21 to my then fiancé and to be completely honest, it was one the worst experiences of my life. Nothing like my friends in high school made it seem. It was far from thrill riding, nothing compared to heaven and not even near emotional. I hated it and vowel to never do it again until I was married. After I broke off my engagement (it just wasn’t working out)(not because of the sex though, I promise lol) I met a guy who would change my perspective on intimacy.

Growing up, sex was NEVER an option or a thought that crossed my mind. Because I was raised in a Christian Pentecostal home with deacons as parents, that 3 letter word was always attached to another 3 letter word; SIN. More like an abomination. I honestly thought sex killed you or made you sick with a bad fever. My mom made sure to instill in me that my private part was for my husband only and no one else. Kind of felt like it barely belonged to me. But in high school, I faked the funk for four years. All my friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in right along with them when they spoke about how great their "first time" was. “Are you a virgin Melissa?", "Girl no! I been did it, but ya’ll don’t know him. He goes to my church”. That was my favorite line, but little did they know that I had never been touched, laid on my back nor cuddled in the same bed with a guy. I just couldn’t let them know that I was completely pure and lame ( so i thought )

Mommy always told me to stay away from the thug guys. The guys with the dreads, with the pants sagging below their waist and with the gold teeth. I listened up until I met “A Nice Thug”. He wasn’t attractive at all, but he could walk in a room and command it. His confidence drew me in and I wanted to know more. How can someone so ugly have so much character and be so funny? But all it took was a conversation over food for us to be acquainted (  Yea, my love for food is real ) Next thing you knew he had my number and we couldn’t keep away from one another. He invited me to his house to watch movies and wanted me to meet his family so that we can all chill. I thought for sure I was lucky enough to find a thug that wasn’t like the rest, that my mom was wrong about guys with gold teeth. They weren’t bad people; they were just misunderstood. Invite me to his house? He had to be the one and I was in love! The day came for me to meet his family. Got dressed up, made sure my hair was done and even painted my nails. I wanted them to like me being that we were going to be a big happy family and all. When I got to his house, his living room was full with guys playing video games and smoking weed while loud hip hop music played in the background. “Everyone this Melissa” he yelled over Tu-Pac. Yo! They all said in unison with out even looking up at me. He took my hand and walked me through the house. He introduced me to his younger siblings and led me straight into his room. “So this is where we’ll be watching the movies”? I thought. This is comfy. (I was so naïve). He motioned me over to the bed and said "make yourself comfortable." I took my shoes off and sat back . He turned on the television and blasted it so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts. When he climbed in the bed with me we began to cuddle. I was so smitten! I laid next to him smiling while watching the movie like a big goof ball, he even asked me why I kept smiling. I was just so caught up in the moment. But not even 7 minutes into the movie he began to softly kiss me on my neck. Now ladies, I know I'm saved but ya’ll know, when a man kisses you on your neck IT’S A WRAP! Aint no going back! I giggled for the first few seconds until he started to run his hand up and down my thigh. I started to feel uncomfortable and my giggles turned into loud breathing. He must of thought I was enjoying myself but my anxiety started to kick in. He whispered, “Its ok, they cant hear us”, now realizing why the volume of the television was on max. “I don’t want to do this “I said. “You love me”? he asked, “You know I do” I replied. “You want to make me happy”? he asked “Yes” I answered softly “You wanna be my girl right? You gotta do things to keep me happy so I won't go get it from somebody else, cause its girls waiting in line wanting your spot” he said in a slightly aggravated tone. Be his girl? Heck yea! Its all I ever wanted was to be the neighborhood thug's girl. So yea, I gave in and right at that moment is where the thought that “sex keeps a man” was planted in my head.

I was never raised in the manner where sex was the way to a man's heart or where sex is what made a relationship centered, but for 4 years I made myself his sex slave to keep him around and to keep him happy. No girl would top me and I made sure of that by having my more experienced friends teach me everything they knew. I learned quickly and man I was great! Maybe too great. He became suspicious and started to ask if I was learning my skills from someone else. His insecurities began to show because I became more advance than him and could last longer. It came to the point where he told me that I moved like a slut. His self-esteem started to lower and he convinced me think that I was the problem, that there was no way I could learn this from anyone else other than another man. Looking back at it, I’ve come to the conclusion that “Insecurities will have even the most confident man self doubting himself”

Sex may be a short 3-letter word but it’s something that can injure your self-esteem if not done in the right form; between a man and his wife. For years I thought I was nasty and that no man would really want me or ever want to be with me because of how advance I was. I toned it down and played as if I was clueless to what I was doing just to protect the pride of the man.

Sex was created and invented by God for married couples who decide to take a vowel in front of family and friends and God himself promising to be committed to one another. But before marriage, your body solely belongs to the one who created it

1 Corinthians 6: 12 reads :

12 Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims.

13 You know the old saying, “First you eat to live, and then you live to eat”? Well, it may be true that the body is only a temporary thing, but that’s no excuse for stuffing your body with food, or indulging it with sex. Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body!

14-15 God honored the Master’s body by raising it from the grave. He’ll treat yours with the same resurrection power. Until that time, remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master’s body. You wouldn’t take the Master’s body off to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not.

16-20 There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

So you see, God isn't trying to be this mean person, keeping us from one of the greatest feelings of all time, He's trying to protect us. Sex outside of marriage is unhealthy and poisonous. No matter how hard I tried to justify my situation or make it seem like it was "Just sex" my feelings were always hurt in the end and his self-esteem lowered every time we slept together. I struggled even after we broke up with thinking that sex is what makes someone want to be with you. I was wrong.

Sex does not keep. Sex is temporary pleasure that can be given by anyone. Sex with your wife/husband is treasure. That's safe sex. You’ll know when a man or a woman respects you, when they make sure they won't put you in the predicament to violate your decision.