The Power of the "F" Word

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I know what you're thinking.. "The "F" Word?? Well if you thought the F word was friendship or friend, you thought right. I mean what other F word could I have been talking about?? Lol Yup, FRIENDSHIP! What a powerful word. But lets do a little research before we begin shall we. Lets look up the definition of friend on the internet, it reads:

a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
— Google

Wait a minute, sexual? Now I don't know about you guys but, if there's anything sexual going on with you and a "friend"  I'm sorry to inform you but that is not a friendship sweetie, that is what I like to call a situationship. (google has to do better) But anyways, lets jump right into the topic. Now, I'm so far from perfect and I know I have some flaws and things that I need to work on (like my attitude) but I"m very confident in saying that I can teach a class or two on what being a good friend consists of. I have been there and done that with friends, so I know exactly what it means to be a good friend and what it looks like to be a bad friend. I guess its safe to say that I've been on both sides of the fence, I've been the good friend and I have also been the bad friend. But one thing is for sure, loyalty has always ran deep in my blood. What messed me up was thinking that loyalty was something that ran deep in everyone else blood when it came to friendships and relationships (boy did I think wrong). I learned some valuable lessons about the different type of friends that are toxic and what kind of friends to stay away from. I put together this list of the 5 friends that you shouldn't have in your life, so lets jump right into it.

 

 

The Disloyal friend

Lets look at the definition of what loyal means first, 

loyal loi(ə)l/adjective

giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.

"he remained loyal to the government"

synonyms:faithful, true, devoted

What does a disloyal friend look like? What are their characteristics? How do you know when you're dealing with a friend or family member that is disloyal? If you have to ask any of these questions about your friend, associate, family or acquaintance, I'm sorry to break the news to you but you're most likely dealing with someone who is disloyal. "Why would you say that Melissa? You don't even know them" you might ask. Well, that's because when someone is loyal to you, questioning their friendship is never an option in your mind, you'll always know this person has your back. What happens with disloyal people is that they are always for themselves. Whatever feels right at the time they'll do even if it will affect your relationship with them. Their level of commitment is minimum to none because they never attached their emotions to the friendship in the first place. Be careful for the ones that portray any of these signs, because they'll end up burning you.

The "Yes" Friend

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"Yeeeeeeeeeesssssss"

That friend that always agrees with everything that you do and say, that friend that always thinks you're right, that friend that never corrects you when even you know your'e wrong, the one that doesn't make you change when you walk out the house looking a complete mess; their response and answer to you is always "Yeeeees" GET RID OF THEM! STAY FAR AWAY! Let me tell you why. Those people idolize you in a very unhealthy way, or they just don't care about your well being and do not value the friendship. These people are dangerous. How can you learn and grow from someone like that? You can't. I chose a long time ago to surround myself with people who would always keep it real with me even if the truth hurt my feelings (reminder:being real does not mean be rude, disrespectful or cruel. Watch how you talk to your friends. They have feelings). That is one of the main reasons why I love the closest people to me. They correct me, they insist on telling me when I'm tripping and of course my favorite thing is that they don't always take my side.  

 

The Gossiping Friend

If they gossip with you, they’ll gossip about you
— my mama

Growing up, my mom forbade us to talk about other people, that's how I discovered gossiping was bad. She would say things like "If the person is not their to defend themselves while you talk about them, then its gossiping." Hmm who would of knew... Crazy thing is, in middle school and high school, I gossiped so much about people. I was such a little chatter box and I always found myself in the middle of mess because I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. Now that I look back, I should of known better because that wasn't how I was raised. But what else was I suppose to expect, the people I called my friends were TOP GOSSIPERS! I mean they would talk about any and everybody and would smile in their face when they came around. They would gossip with me, turn around and gossip about me. Having friends that gossip a lot will land you in so much drama, even the drama you had absolutely nothing to do with. You know what they say, birds of a feather flock together. 

 

The Liar friend

Do I even have to explain why you should stay away from a liar friend? They're liars, that should be enough explanation honestly. But friends are suppose to be honest with you right? So when you find out they've lied, or been holding a secret from you, it hurts. Its hurts more when a friend lie's to you than when a spouse does (I'm not sure why, but theres no kind of heartbreak like friendship heartbreak) Some people think that in some situations, withholding the truth will protect their friend from getting their feelings hurt, but honestly (in my opinion) I don't think that's a smart way to do things. Whatever it may be, the person will eventually find out. My motto is this "Hurt me now, so that I won't have to hurt later" You'll end up questioning everything a liar friend tells you, you won't be able to trust them and you'll second guess sharing life experiences with them. It will legit give you anxiety.  

The Unsupportive friend

Has anyone ever had a friend that you felt was not supportive of your work or dreams and vision? I did. This person attended everyone else's event, promoted other peoples work on their social media and always went against any creative idea I had, it was like this person didn't believe in my dream.  I couldn't understand why at the time and I thought to myself maybe he just wasn't the supportive type. That was until I noticed him supporting everyone else around us. This can stem up from jealousy, being envious or just not wanting you to do better than them so they do their best to discourage you from your goals and aspirations. They'll say things like "that's a dumb idea" or even "you should wait to do that"; whatever to get you to slow the process down. I'm not the type of person who needs to be promoted publicly to be proven that you support me. There are people who have never promoted my work, congratulated me publicly or even said I'm proud of you, but have contributed and supported me behind the scenes. You don't always need public recognition to know that you're supported or that they're for you. Its nice, yes; but you don't need it. Its the little things that matter, not the public things. But lets be real, the friends that support you will always be willing to do whatever to show you that they're for you and not against you. Find your support system, trust me you'll always win

 

You might be reading this and thinking about someone in your life that fits one these characteristics. My advice to you is to effectively communicate to this person how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Some people don't know that their being a bad friend until they're told. So have a conversation about it. But if things don't change, thats their way of telling you that the friendship was never important to them in the first place. And if any of these described you, start today to be the kind of friend that you would want in your life. An amazing friendship first begins with you.